i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize