but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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