my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
