I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
