So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
