Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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