Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my shit smells like andre
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
