better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
