I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
