drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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