Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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