Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
