And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I supernannyed him into submission
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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