He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
