There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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