i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
