you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
