It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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