Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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