I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
