Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
