I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize