The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
