Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
