Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
