he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
