does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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