If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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