honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
