A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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