CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
