Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
