At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm at about main and main street
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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