i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
