And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
