Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
