I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
