if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
