I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
