Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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