"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
