Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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