im having a threesome with these popsicles
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
