Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
