He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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