Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize