Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Vodka?
Forever.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
