i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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