I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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