...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
