Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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