You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
