Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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