two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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