help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Boobs are out for the taking
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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