just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
