Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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