I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it because I queefed?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize