3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
