what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
