are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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