Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i dont even know how to be here
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
