He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
