Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
