if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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