Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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