Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
