No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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