so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think people are normalizing furries
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
