I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
